Broken
by Moeto
Summary: When all of her hopes had been destroyed, she just wanted to die../Oneshot, Beatrice-centric, during end of EP4.


Disclaimer: I don't own Umineko nor characters of it.

If she just could die… if at least this were possible, it would finally end. If she died, it would finally bring an end to this endless story. With her death this tale would stop existing. If she weren't alive, this tale would loose its reason. She wanted it to end. Even if she originally wanted to keep this alive for all eternity, she couldn't handle it anymore. She thought it would be easier, that she would just take her revenge which she prepared for about thousand years but now it was too much. Too much for her to bear. Her heart couldn't handle this any longer. If she continued like this, her soul would split apart from all the pain she felt.

It almost felt like this pain already broke her inside and she knew this feeling was right. She was already broken. No matter what she did, she would always be broken, destroyed inside. Since thousand years which felt like an eternity she was like this and now that she had reached the point where she just wanted to throw everything away, she realized that nothing could cure her pain.

No matter what she tried, no matter what she did, her pain would never go away. She was too broken to ever be cured. Why was life so cruel? Why was there not a medicine, a cure, a solution for a being like her, for a heart like hers? Why wasn't there anything in the world which could take her pain away, so she never had to suffer like this anymore?

If she just never loved anyone... maybe this was the solution she searched. If she had never loved anyone, she wouldn't suffer. She wouldn't be so damaged in the inside. But... then the possibility for her to find happiness would be destroyed. Just this little chance that she'd really find happiness would be away. This chance would never have existed if she hadn't loved anyone.

Alone she couldn't create an universe. No matter how much magic she'd use, no matter how hard she'd try, it wasn't possible. Even if it'd be possible... having an universe just for yourself didn't mean happiness. It meant no love would exist and her universe would only keep loneliness.

She didn't want to be lonely.. It was her biggest fear to be alone for all eternity, the worst thing which could ever happen.. Obviously it just happened and there was nothing she could do against it.

She was alone. There was nobody who could create an universe with her. And if there would be someone... it didn't matter to her. There was only a single person with who she wanted to create an universe, but it was impossible. Because this person forgot all about her. This person didn't remember her at all, didn't remember the feelings which were there.

If they'd ever been there... Maybe.. also these feelings had been an illusion which she created. If even this would be an illusion... she had no longer a reason to exist. The only reason she still existed were these feelings... the hope that a miracle would occur and she'd finally find what she desired for so long. That this person would finally understand her...

But this miracle wouldn't come true for her. Maybe it didn't even exist and it was only a dream of hers that it was possible.

All of this 'maybe's... she was so tired of them. Always to feel so unsure about all this things which were so important to her... she couldn't handle this anymore.

How long could someone exist without creating an universe?

Sometimes she asked this herself and she never was satisfied with the answer. No matter how often she asked, the answer remained the same.

For all eternity.

She could and would exist endlessly. You could exist without creating an universe, but the life you lead is dark, lonely, without love.

Without love it cannot be seen.

She wondered. 'It'... what did this 'it' mean? What couldn't be seen? Was it happiness? Or sadness? Both? She had experienced both. Although her happiness hadn't last for too long, but at least there has been a short time where she had felt happy.

Wasn't this the prove she had enough love? Wasn't... this enough to show fate that she deserved happiness? Didn't... she deserve it?

Obviously... she wasn't worth it. She didn't deserve happiness, but didn't she at least deserved an end? An end to this endless torture... this was all she longed for now.

She had realized that being loved by someone was impossible, that she never would have an universe she could share with someone.

An ending to this endless tale... this was her wish..

_Please... kill me... Just... let me die..._


End file.
